Whose Energy is this anyway?

I recently discovered that there are times when I am not in my own energy or that my energy is mixed with that of another person. Just like they always say you need to take care of yourself so that you have energy to care for others, I believe it is important to be clear about the source of my own energy. I know empaths struggle with absorbing other people’s energy, but I didn’t think I was in that category. It might be that I just wasn’t aware of how others affect me; I may have been unconscious to what was truly my energy and what portion of how I am feeling actually belongs to someone else.

They also say that until you recognize and admit (or claim) something you are powerless to do anything about it. Like you are unable to stop drinking too much until you admit you have a problem that needs to be addressed. It sometimes helps when a close friend you trust helps point your character traits out to you, ones that you don’t see. For example, many of my long-term friends have suggested that I am too hard on myself. I could agree but it didn’t help me that much until I fully acknowledged it to myself. Only then did I begin my self-love recovery process.

I have worked so hard at – what I thought was – protecting myself from feeling negative emotions that I was unable to relate to the emotions I was truly experiencing. I stuffed the feelings I didn't want to feel down so deep that I was unable to admit I had anger or bad feelings. Naturally, I was unable to distinguish the source of my sorrow (if I even allowed myself to feel sad) and possessed no ability to discover why I was feeling the way my body wanted to feel. I was, however, easy to be around and pleasant acting - until I wasn’t. A person can only pretend for so long until the real feelings boil up then the frustrations show up ugly. When I think about it, that’s not too bad of a design. I eventually got tired enough of that rough ride that I was able to see what my friends had been trying to tell me all along. Key factor – it had to come from within.

My current practice of allowing all my feeling to flow through me like a screen door had been a long-awaited welcome relief to my higher self. I’ve felt a lot more sadness this way, however, it dissipates surprisingly quickly; I am able to enjoy my life, my friends and the present moment with far more grace and ease. Now that all my feelings are allowed, I’ve taken it a step further and created an intention for myself to focus on moment-by-moment welcoming, honoring, loving, and celebrating all my feelings. All the more critical that I consciously place boundaries on the ownership of the feelings flowing from within me and respectfully allow other people their own experience instead of subconsciously absorbing their emotions.

How will I accomplish distinguishing what energy is mine and what belongs to someone else? I think it may require constant inquiry, followed by stillness so I can listen to the wisdom within my body. The intention is wonderful, but I believe it will take practice (and forgiving myself a big bunch while I practice.) I don’t have a long history of being still. Remembering to make the inquiry is good but without the stillness I don’t think much will change. I’m getting better at creating space in my life. I’m retired from self-development and a major aspect of my self-love for who I am, as I am, is being rooted in spaciousness to allow for the stillness.

I would cherish your thoughts if you care to add them in the comments below.